You Are Brilliant

“you are brilliant” has got to be one of the most infuriating things people say to me. it seriously it. and i can probably tell you why.

I am one of the biggest procrastinators i know. I get my work done. I do well. I haven’t failed out of college yet, and i’m not planning to.

but something about people assuming that I am brilliant/smart/whatever just kind of irks me.

I assume brilliant belongs to those like Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory or Spencer on Criminal Minds. Those of whom that have freakin gigantic brains, which i do not poses. I’m just a regular Joe girl, i guess you could say. My grades depend on my level of my enthusiasm for the class that i’m in (although i do actually try). i write papers freakishly last minute, which means they never get edited, which means grades aren’t always what they could be. It’s not that i don’t try, but my brain seems to live off the stuff.  My assumption of what brilliant means doesn’t help shape what people tell me.

which brings me to why i dislike it when people tell me that they think i’m smart. if only they knew… if only they knew.

if only they knew how much time i spend procrastinating on Facebook. (and here now =)

if only they knew how what my grades REALLY look like.

if only they knew how much i wish i could spill the beans.

they think that i have some sort of super brain. and i would prefer to not disillusion them. ok, maybe not super brain..

it comes down to the fact that I think that i have a FANTASTIC brain. I am able to process information. I can write papers. I get to hang with professors who have their Ph.ds  from all sorts of amazing places.

I have a brain. I am smart. I am indeed my own weird brand of brilliant. it’s just the fact that people actually telling me that is what gets under my skin because what i think of as brilliant and what kind of brilliant i  actually am are two very different things. and if people figure that out… well… i’m afraid they might just think different of me.  and that scare me. more than you will ever know.

(and yet i just confessed here on my blog. the irony).


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