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The Future Scares Me

It seems like a very long four years ago that I stepped onto the college campus where I would become a student. As a scared 17 year old freshman I didn’t know what was coming. I didn’t know about the long nights ahead. I didn’t know how much hard work (or lack thereof) that was coming. I didn’t know about the lows to come or impossible highs (not drug related).

Four short years later and now I do know well… some things. I’ve had those long nights of too much coffee that lead to too much caffeine and subsequent withdrawals. I’ve done most of the hard work that I’ve been assigned. I’ve had bad days coupled with plenty of good ones. I’ve discovered my preference for finishing my homework at night and writing essays at 2 A.M.

I’ve found a myriad of friends that I never would have chosen for myself. At least I don’t think. But I’m glad I have them because they make wonderful friends. I mean.. who else am I going to discuss Remington Steele (or in other words how handsome Pierce Brosnan was in the 80’s) and Grey’s anatomy with? Or One Tree Hill? Who else am I going to “nerd out with” while in my Enlgish/Literature classes?

But… for as much as these four years have meant to me, I have one year left. One year. and it is scaring the crap out of me. I have to apply for graduation and who knows that entails. What about grad school? Who knew that I have to get my profs to give me recommendations? I mean… I knew. I’ve had some great professors. I’ve done okay. But the thought of asking them to vouch for me scares the crap out of me.

Heck, just thinking about the future at this point scares the crap out of me. It’s been a short four years. I seriously have no clue where they’ve gone. I don’t recognize that scared little 17 year old me that started college, compared to 21 year old me. I’ve gained confidence, friends, the ability to question what my professors ask of me. I’ve learned to how to argue intelligently at the drop of a hat in class. I’ve done things that I never thought I would do. And enjoyed almost all of it.

Four years down. One to go. I think “what if I’m not ready?” What am I going to do in the “real world?” Who is going to want to hire, well, me? and these questions scare me – Even though I know what I want from the world for myself.

So… I’ve got to wonder, who else has this happened to? Anyone have some sage advice for the me that wants to become an “adult?” Any remedies that might help me come into my own? Or should I just step into that alleyway of the unknown with just a flashlight and a smile, ready for adventure?

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2 thoughts on “The Future Scares Me

  1. I don’t think there’s a secret to it. Try and get an internship this year. That’d help with getting a job.

    Also, I freaking love One Tree Hill. And Grey’s Anatomy. So.

  2. 1. Thanks for the advice.

    2. It’s sort of ridiculous how much I love grey’s and OTH. I happily geek/nerd on them whenever to whoever =)

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