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Feeling like a Fraud

There are some days that I feel like an incredible fraud when i hang with my English major peers. It’s not that I’m not smart enough… it’s something else. I feel like I can’t write papers well enough, like I can’t argue (even though it’s seriously one of my favorite things), and that I’m not suited for the work. And on occasion that I’m not even up for it. I might have decent grades, but my B’s are nothing next to my mostly deans list comrades. I should also mention that I know not all of my friends in my chosen major get on the deans list, so I don’t know why I’m complaining. 

Don’t get me wrong. I love my chosen major. It’s probably the only thing I could have chosen and survived (if not thrived with). But there are some days where I feel incomparably unfit for what I do. 

Want to know why? I feel like I don’t read enough. Sure, I have a goodreads account. I have a book board on pinterest that makes me feel understood on so many levels. Oh, and if you’re reading this you know I blog about books (sometimes). As I blast through my “to read” pile one book at a time, I can’t help but feel under read as my TBR pile continually grows. 

I like to watch a bit of netflix. I own plenty of movies/TV shows. Yet I read. plenty. I enjoy relaxing with a good book in the late hours. I push myself to read “classics.” I do these things partly for myself because “why are they so great” meets “bragging rights” and “Holy crap I feel the need the measure up to my classmates”

But… here’s the thing: I don’t need to measure up to my classmates. They don’t know about my “insecurities.” (unless they find this blog post). Even better is they don’t care. They like me for me, which is nice. Strangely enough, I’m still plagued by the “I don’t feel like I’m good enough bug”

Weird, isn’t it? Is this normal? Have you ever felt similarly? let me know in the comments. 

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2 thoughts on “Feeling like a Fraud

  1. This summer I read Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In. One of the things she talked about early on was Impostor Syndrome. This affects women much more than men. We women are far more likely to think “If people could really see how much work I did they would see what a fraud I am.” Men don’t tend to do this. They turn in a report and let it go. It also manifests in job applications. Men will look at a job description and think they can do it if they meet 50% of the qualifications, where women will not unless they meet 80%. Granted this is all generalizations, but studies prove this out. I read this section of the book and it was worth the price of the kindle copy for me. Seriously. I do this all the time. As a fairly confident person this has always surprised me. It helps me know that I am not alone. So check out Impostor Syndrome. Perhaps knowing will help overcome it. Because (sorry. I know I am not supposed to do this), quite honestly, you are in the right major, and an excellent literature major. Your professors have judged the quality of work you do, and not found it wanting. So keep going on. You are no fraud.

    1. As always, thanks for he advice and infinite wisdom that you thankfully hand out (even when it seems like I’m begging for it). Also thanks for the reminder that I do have what it takes to finish.
      And I am so checking out “impostor syndrome” because who knew that such a thing even existed. My psych proff may have mentioned it once or twice, but I didn’t think it was a real thing. Guess I was wrong.

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