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Please Just Stop

I have a feeling that in the coming months, you’re going to be hearing quite a bit about me coming to terms with college graduation and what it all means. Plus, the future and me being insanely freaked out. I might even turn a bit neurotic. Get the idea? I hope so.

I’ve written blog posts on both the whole idea of being brilliant and the one in which i likened graduating to legally blonde. If you’ve read these wonderful posts, you’ll know that I don’t like being told that I’m smart/brilliant and that college graduation is driving me nuts. If you haven’t read them, you should.

But this past week both of these posts came to mind. I received the official email saying that I could order my cap and gown. I really wanted to start jumping up and down yelling “I DID IT. I’M GRADUATING. THEY’RE LETTING ME GRADUATE!!!!” Of course, I was in public so I just started smiling like some sort of idiot. The first thing I did was text my cousin and sister because I wouldn’t be seeing them anytime soon. I wanted to tell the parents in person, though.

The next thing I know my sister had a #TBT picture on facebook (because this happened on a thursday) congratulating me, telling me how proud she was, etc. And people were all over this post, telling me the same thing and asking questions about my major.  And I just really wanted to crawl under a rock and escape everything.  I wanted to be left alone to graduate in peace.

Yes, I’m excited to graduate. But mix in my feelings about being told I’m smart and that people are proud of me and… I’m not taking it well. My somewhat lackluster GPA glares at me every semester, helping nothing, even though I’ve had some really brilliant semesters. Hard work has been done, but at the same time, that hard work makes it feel like I haven’t worked hard enough.

Graduation is a huge freaking big deal. Of course it is. At the same time I’m freaking out about graduation so it seems like I’m not.

I know people mean well. I know they want to share in my happiness. I know they want to help me become a new person. & I’m willing to let that happen. But for now… just for now.. let me have some peace because I don’t feel like celebrating just yet. I still have to cross the finish line. That’s all I’m asking for.

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