college graduation · english major · freaking out · life · the future awaits

Not Good Enough

And I’m back to being my mostly complaining self here, and graduation will once again be featured. I have three weeks and two days left, so let me have it, okay?

The other night there was a “graduation celebration” for the soon to be alumni. There was great speeches, one in which one of the speakers likened college to Doctor Who (It’s bigger on the inside. It really is). So, I’m not the only person to think that one up? Makes me glad I’m not completely crazy. (Okay. That one might be debatable). There was one that encouraged us to get get out of our boxes, to expand ourselves, to grow.

But then… then came the next one. Statistics. Not about failing, but about those who actually graduate. Those with bachelors make more than high school graduates, and those with masters even more. I stifled a laugh as I thought about how some of my professors have complained about how little they make for teaching humanities because it’s becoming a lost form.

So. I’m sitting there, being told how accomplished we are to be graduating. And I don’t feel accomplished. Yes, we’re me back to not feeling like I’ve done enough, been enough. Not enough in general.

Yeah, I know. Actually completing college is a huge huge deal. But for me it still doesn’t feel that momentous. It hasn’t set in yet. I don’t know why. Is it because I chose a smaller college? Perhaps. But that was my choice and I don’t regret it. Is it because of my major? Who knows. English may be a dying art, but it’s not something I regret because It’s something I love and get to be with every day even when it drives me nuts.Is it because I haven’t managed to find a guy yet? Am I that hopeless? It may feel like it, but I’m not.

Although I’m pretty sure it’s going to set in that college and graduation were very definitely real in less than 3 weeks, after my last final. Commencement won’t help matters even though that’s going to be wonderful.

So why am I not good enough even though I apparently am? That remains to be seen. But stay tuned for more book blogging, tv show rants, and freaking out about graduation. It’s bound to, as usually, be pretty hilarious.

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