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Rediscovering Me

Well, it’s happened. I’ve discovered makeup. I mean, I’ve known what makeup is and how to use it for years now. I’ve just now conscientiously decided to start wearing it. On purpose, most of the time. I want to look my age, and like I can take care of myself for when I want to apply for other jobs than what I’m doing now.

I have also had chopped most of my hair off. What once was probably halfway down my back now hangs loosely right above my shoulders. I got sick of taking care of it, and if I’m being perfectly honest, I probably didn’t half the time. Now, it mostly just waves itself out naturally, as it has for years. I’m just learning to embrace how awesome it really is.

These changes have the desired effects. I look my age. I look more responsible. I feel better about myself. I actually look pretty awesome. But they’re also having the undesired effect I just knew were coming. You know… the “you look so pretty.” comments.

Yes, I know I do. Thanks for telling me. Okay, I kind of appreciate the comments. The best one I’ve gotten so far was something along the lines of “You were always pretty, but the makeup enhances it.” Because that’s what I’m trying to do.

Not the “Who’s the guy?” comments. Yep. Wearing makeup and cutting my automatically means that I am trying to attract a guy. Um, nooooope. I did these things for me. Not for a stupid guy. I have tried that and it didn’t work. I can change my basic looks, but I’m pretty sure that my introverted, sarcastic, personality can’t be fixed.

So, I’ve been rediscovering me a lot lately. Trying things that normally would freak me out. Last time I had short hair, I probably jumped up and down when I could pull it back into a ponytail again. Because having hair in my face just didn’t work for me. Since then, I have discovered bobby pins. Not that my thick hair likes them much.

Then there’s the actual makeup. Surprisingly, my favorite is gray eye shadow, mascara, and red lip gloss. The effect is actually amazing, and it’s a big hit. Confidence booster for the win.

To get this totally straight: I’m doing this for me. Only me. I like the me it brings out, even though I haven’t really changed at all. I’m still introverted. Still sarcastic. And I am most definitely NOT doing it for a guy. Because making myself prettier doesn’t change the other things. And I like me, and hopefully one day a guy will see that.

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