Several weeks ago, I was invited to a Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life viewing party. I somewhat eagerly accepted the invitation, knowing that it would involve a lot of people. So, no surprise when the time came to actually go, I didn’t. I freaked. There’d be too many people. I might have had a good time, but instead of finding out, I stayed home and saved myself from what probably would have been a crankypants me in a corner with a book.
My sister, who would have loved to see me at this party. doesn’t understand why I didn’t attend. “There was people that you know.” is her argument. While it’s a valid argument, she doesn’t get that I didn’t need the stimulation. Between Thanksgiving and Black Friday at work, I’d had too much of people. Of being happy. I needed to just… decompress. Besides, knowing who people are is no guarantee that I’d actually have a good time.
Weirder yet, one of our friends understands why I didn’t go. She knows that when I want to be social, I’ll be social. And that when I don’t want to be, good luck trying to make me. So when my sister tried to reason that I would have known people, our friend just kind of looked at me (after my sister had mentioned the number of people there, making me glad I didn’t go) and said “Yeah, I don’t see you having a good time.”
It’s strange, how this scene came about. Oh, I know that I groan and complain that I should socialize more. I feel like I should. But… I just can’t. I don’t want to. I get enough of people at work, and I’m generally okay with that.
I’m mostly happy. I have work. I have people that I can generally communicate with and understand, and they in turn understand me. After spending a lot of my life feeling like some sort of a circus freak show, it’s a comfort. I think I have a happy life. Until I realize that it looks pathetic. Maybe by society’s standards it is. But by my standards, I’m a lot better than I’ve been in the past.
I’m mostly happy. I have a good if not always understanding family. I have books. Netflix. I have the things I need. Some things I want. And needing to socialize frequently is not one of them. I’m not built like for that.
I’m mostly happy.I smile. I laugh. I have a lovely sense of humor. I’ll get out when I want. And I Just kind of wish that more people understand that. Because explaining introvert status is just about impossible. And it saddens me, that there are people who will never understand.