life

Changing and Growing

Do you know where my blog got the title from? It’s funny, really. I don’t think I’ve ever written about it. I know I included the definition in my introduction, because without meaning there’s no point to having the title.

But where did I get such a strange word? And why would I decide to use it? Well. Okay then. More of growing and changing up ahead, I fear.

It came from my love of The Fault in Our Stars. A little over three years ago, I adored that book. Who am I kidding? I adored everything John Green. I even dedicated a whole pinterest board to the man because I was sick of choosing which board his stuff went on.

At the time, I was just becoming inducted to the world of fangirling. Well, at least properly inducted and learning to embrace the word, if the not the world itself. One of my good college friends was really into his books, and the two of us had a time. (Don’t even let me get started on our hour long+ conversations of Grey’s Anatomy and One Tree Hill that drove everyone crazy).

Next thing I knew I had my sister binge reading his books. As soon as I got my own copy of Paper Towns, I found my two favorite passages and underlined them in a colored pen, as I do. I found this experience of fangirling to be somewhat liberating.

These days, I wonder where the original love went. Is it because John Green hasn’t produced a new bestseller that I’ll probably love? Is it because it feels like the movies have eclipsed the books in popularity? Is it because I am no longer as close with the friend who originally got me to love his books? I doubt I’ll get the answer to how it happened.

It’s something to wonder about. I feel as though if a new book ever comes out, I really won’t even give a crap. I’ll have gotten past my original love. (Update: since I actually started writing this post about two months ago, new book has been announced. I really don’t care).

It leaves me wondering. Is the name appropriate for my blog? Of course it is. Does it still mean to me what it meant three years ago when I started this thing, full of ambition and hope? No. However, I love the word so it stays.

I once saw this thing that said something about how someone can categorize their life according to fandom. I can certainly do that. Some have stayed for long periods of time and I’m glad that they have. Others, I’m beginning to realize, are a lot like John Green. My once appreciation for them has disappeared and I don’t exactly miss them. I recognize that they came into my life, changed me a little, but have wandered out at some point.

I said this would be a post for change. It felt like it needed to be said. Or written as it is. I’ve changed as a person in the past 3 1/2 years. Some good, some backsliding. I’ve been finding myself, too. One book, one tv show, one movie, one life experience at a time.

If you’ve been here since the beginning, thanks for sticking around. (The entire four of you, thanks so very much for all of the love and support. And the biggest shout out to Lindsey for talking me into it). If you’re relatively new to this party, thanks for coming at all. I hope you’ve enjoyed your time!

Well. It’s been an adventure. Finding new books, trying new things. Coming into my own for the time being. I can’t wait to see where I go.

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